Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Planning a Masterpiece Wedding in 3 Months



      Have you ever been filled with a vision, a purpose, a joy, so strong that when others look at you as if you're crazy, you still believe "it can be done." This was planning my wedding in 3 months. Did I have a clue about the planning? The exact timeline? The realities of all the details? Nope. But I had a deep purpose and joy in my mission because I would be with my true love. When your mind is made up, don't be wishy-washy...stick to it! Here are some of my survival pointers.

1. Get premarital counseling.  What?...why? While this component to a 3-month engagement might be easily overlooked, it is the most crucial. It will (hopefully) work out the most major kinks in your relationship and thus make you two a more unified, stronger team and truly know whether you should proceed with your wedding or make another decision. It will separate your preparation from easily getting tangled up in all the 'doing'  and fill you with a deeeper spiritual and intellectual peace of why you're doing this. You cannot underestimate the power of premarital counseling, and I truly thank my now-husband for setting this up for us ASAP. Smart man he is.

1.5 GET YOUR DATE SET. This is a frustrating one while you two are deciding, but I was reminded by my loved ones that,"The date you two set, is the right date." This gave me peace.

2. Find venues and suppliers. Get the most important ones first, then the others will come!
Give yourself limited choices, so you are not overwhelmed. As Curt began searching and booking the major components of our wedding, I was filled with gratitude for my incredibly talented community. Our cake guy was going to make some cakes look like birch wood and others like dark hardwood. My florist was extremely well-hearsed and laid back, showing me examples of different colors and arrangements until I said, "that's it...love that!" She even told me how to cut costs when it came to table flowers...she was awesome. And getting my dress?...that was a whole adventure in and of itself but the end result was SO worth it! I got my dream dress(an Amelia Sposa), on Ebay(from Russia) for a MUCH better deal than I'd have paid otherwise, AND it fit like a glove! Moral of the story?--- be adventurous in your searching, give a laugh, and believe that what's meant to be, WILL BE.
     Curt I tried to line up getting a venue, one of the most difficult aspects. We had a small pool of original ideas. Then we talked through why we would or would not be happy with the end result. A friend mentioned a place she'd been to for a wedding before, and I looked it up. I had an inkling to pray about it as I called the venue and left a message. They got back to me, and when they asked what date I was trying for, at first they said "Sorry, we can't make it work." However, I didn't hang up...I had a feeling, albeit a weak one...and asked some crucial questions about what could be done, and what we were exactly looking for. This turned into "well, we could maybe make that work for you." So we booked a tour, fell in love, and I could tell that when we toured, the venue was ready to sign us on. But we still gave ourselves at least a week to think and talk it over, to be sure. Then we were sure. I would like to note, that when you are trying to book within 3 months and many places have limited availability, it helps to choose a less popular day/time for your event. That's what we did, going for a Monday/Holiday wedding.

3. Divide and Conquer. It's important for the sake of your lifetime relationship, that you don't feel like one or the other is doing all the work. Each of you needs to feel the responsibility. Make to-do lists and a timeline that works for you two, without feeling the pressure of what everyone else says you're supposed to do. And make sure you express your gratitude to each other many times throughout the process!..."Hun, thank you sooo much for all you're doing; I see your effort and care!" <3 Giving thanks gave us encouragement for the continued hard work on top of our full-time jobs. Curt was excellent at looking at the big picture, doing the budget, keeping track of guest and invite send-outs, RSVP's, etc, all organized. So he did that. I love hands-on work, and the beautiful decorative atmosphere of things, so that was my side of effort. I picked out our invites ahead of time, which set the tone for our theme. I'm also good at wording things so I helped with that too. Curt helped with printing invites and getting stamps, I helped with bundling them with a bow and sending them off. When RSVP s came in, Curt logged them into our wedding planner spreadsheet. I shopped for all sorts of deals on table cloths, lace cloths, dinner chargers, glassware, vine wreaths & floral, and al sorts of little details that fit with my vision(which grew as I found each element!). Curt booked things that needed to be booked, such as DJ, getting event insurance, security deposit on venue, paying caterer, etc.

4. Take a break. What?...I only have two months left! No one wants to be around a stressed out bridezilla, and you don't even want to be around yourself. I was advised by our premarital councilor, " Don't put so much on yourself before the wedding that you end up over-tired and crabby with Curt when you get to your honeymoon." He also reminded me that the bride sets the tone for the wedding. I kept this goal ahead of me with authority, even though at times I broke down in tears and felt it impossible. Believe! Oh little of faith. And there were times for both Curt and I, when we had free time off work that we felt lazy not doing 'wedding stuff' but often times this is what we needed! Like going for a run. Or reading scripture without being in a hurry. One of my favorite memories in this process, is when Curt and I took a paddle boat out on the water on a sunny Sunday afternoon. We dreamed and laughed, talking about other elements to our upcoming life that we were excited about. That afternoon, we rode horses, swam, and then paddle-boated, and later ate some incredible food from an artsy  place we'd never heard of. Since we both like exerting ourselves outdoors, this was incredibly refreshing. Even in the week proceeding our wedding, we were advised to do a date night where we paused talking about more wedding details. This was very hard to do, and I was crabby that night we decided to make dinner together. It took quiet food prep, and every now and then Curt gave me a mini kiss on my forehead or cheek. Once we had a little food in our belly, I had warmed up. It was then a lovely evening together, reconnecting on why we're together. This again, encouraged us for the next crazy, tiring days ahead.

5. Stay Classy. It's easy to say, "No, I don't even even care about that." Which, believe me, many times, I did say this! Now I'm embarrassed that I did. Some of those things that I thought
I could do without, I came to learn that they were some of the most meaningful aspects that I'll forever treasure. You don't want half-assed elements in your masterpiece, do you? It was easy to think to myself many times,"I'm too tired tonight to finish this, or "I don't care what details go on my programs if they're just thrown away," or "who remembers centerpieces anyway?" But I had to stop and remember that the heart of my truest Heart, is good artistic design, and this was one of the masterpieces of my life. (P.S. I'm not a gifted event planner though!) Another thought that kept me motivated on the many long days was,"If my guests are lovingly coming such a long way to celebrate with us,  don't I want them to feel well-appreciated, and have a delightful, memorable experience of joy and love that they'll never forget?" Truly, reminding myself of this gave me energy. Though some would say that your wedding day is 'all about you' and there's truth to that, it gave me energy to be 'others-focused' rather than 'self-focused.' My friend Amy who helped greatly with my decor and layout, reminded me to do the expected traditions that I'd originally thought didn't matter so much. And in the end, I'm so glad that we had those traditional, organized elements! These include but are not limited to: ceremony layout, unity act, ushers and seating, entrance atmosphere, number and arrangement of bridal and groom party, cocktail hour activities for guests, photography layout, labeling things throughout so guests are well-informed, creating good flow for guests, timeline the day-of, a personal attendant for yourself, a day-of-coordinator and/or day-of host for making sure everyone has what they need and are doing well. You want smooth flow, happy, well-cared for people, excellent food, and lots of classy fun!

6. Get help. Haha, you thought you could do this mostly alone in the beginning, if you're like me. But now you realize that you are in over your head with details and decisions. That's what other gifted people are for! If you are good friend to another and ready to help in their time of need, why would they not do for you? In a way, we've lost this time and era, and often think we need to fend for ourselves. If you're like me, you hate asking for help and for favors. I'ts just pride, which is actually an ancient struggle. I was reminded by more than one person to ask for more help, and OH MY GOODNESS, the help that come through, I was SOOO thankful for!! When you do ask for favors and help, be gracious and classy about it, not over particular and yet be clear. Again, I'm no pro at this but believe me, I can't underestimate the power of good help anymore. Now I want to do this for others too.

   If you're destined and brave souls, you can do this. Make it your own, and let it suprise you back in return. You're making history! Our wedding day turned out to suprise us with more beauty, peace, love and joy than we could have imagined. And for those who do venture the three-month engagement, you know, truly, that the real prep began way before these three months. May your masterpiece story live long!























     Many thanks to Brule River Barn, Sam's Florist, AT Entertainment, to The Exchange(cakes), The Cupcake Lady(Proctor), Good Thyme Catering(Washburn), all the Duluth area supply stores, FB Marketplace, Bella Rose Bridal, Ebay, Amy & Dave Peterson, Bellaire Photography(my sister), Amazon, Dave Addink, Sarah Feyder, Nate Marsh, The PForr's, The Boren's, our entire city group at RHCC, and all my wild-hearted friends around the world who gave me bravory and who dreamed with me for this day(namely, Ireland).
   




Thursday, August 9, 2018

My Marriage Song to Curtis

                             
                                                           "We bid the Birds to Come"

We must bid the birds to come
and sing a song for our journey
Into the depths and breadth and heights we go
The birds have sung before but we must bid them to come.

The dawn brings a new song never sung.
The water laps along boats adrift
and we feel every pebble ___ we see the water blue
We turn to the other and say, "I choose you."

A lifetime of joys and changes and memories made
We turn to be one anew and let our identity fade
again and again and again...

A song for our journey they sing...
What is faith, hope, and love?
And the Greatest of these came down from above?

So we come down, and bend like the willows
We bend, and lay expectations on our pillow.
You and I, human frailty and character of oak
To a place where our stubborn pride will choke.

We must bid the birds to come
and sing a song for our journey.

                                                   

                                    ~ All my love and blessing over us, your darling Amelia
                                       Written July 2018, on the shore of Lake Superior

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

The Love of a Neighbor



This is just one neighbor...there were others with incredible lives too.


Sometimes we have to tell the story of another because they would never tell it to the whole world themselves. They are humble and tucked away on a piece of old  Michigan farmland. Their old barn is one of the largest I've ever seen. I like to imagine two pioneer farmers casually chatting by the barbed fences of those hills, a hundred years ago when the trees were all cleared. Two old farmers chatting as neighbors, way before us. Before two new sets of neighbors, with their hardships, love, birth, and death. Since I don't know that story, I can only tell the one I was blessed to hear and know.

I almost didn't stop by that day, as I hadn't visited in a few years at least, since moving away. I felt ashamed of myself for not checking in after the news I heard. But as I was driving by their house I thought, "What the heck...it doesn't hurt to stop by, and I do want to see how he's doing."  As I walked up to the sliding glass door, the kitchen lights had that warm glow just like old times. The two little dogs, Yogi Bear and Ranger, barked, and my old neighbor Gene recognized me as I walked up. We gave each other a welcoming hug and asked each other how we're doing. "I'm alright," he said..."I have good days and bad days." I took a seat at the kitchen table and noticed his big beautiful Harley parked by the sliding glass door. He had another friend over, as they were going to shoot guns together but it'd gotten too late already. There was a gun case and ammunition on the table, not an uncommon sight for folks in this area. The two little dogs barked for awhile as my old neighbor tried to calm them down. He sat down to chat with me.

"Marilyn was my foster sister," he told me. "She was in foster care with my family because her father was beating her. We were 17 and 20 when we got married ... I was Catholic and she was Church of God. After counseling us for 6 weeks, the priest wouldn't marry us because he said it wouldn't work. So we went to her pastor and after he prayed about it for awhile, he said he'd do it and that we'd make it but it'd be hard. And we made it, through good times and bad times. We were each other's best friend, and it'd have been our 40th anniversary.


Two years ago she developed a throat condition. It was like a hoarse throat, she couldn't talk, but then it didn't get better. When we went to the doctor they ran tests, and sent us on to eyes-ears-throat specialists. That's when they told us that she had ALS, which usually develops in the lower limbs and not the throat. This wasn't what we wanted to hear...no one wants to hear that. It started with the throat, and then one part of her mobility after another. So for two whole years, I didn't go anywhere except taking her out to the hospital in Marquette. I sold anything I still had payments on, and just stayed home with her."

My mind kept returning to how vibrant and full of faith she'd always been, and it as hard for me to think of her this way, helpless. I sat at the table and kept listening to Gene, how he chose to do home hospice himself for his wife and keep the mucus in her throat from choking her to death. But as I listened, my mind kept returning to the memories I had of her: she'd invite us in for green apples and tea, and tell us about the power of God. Sometimes she fed my siblings and I other treats such as brownies or hot dogs. Sometimes she helped give a ride to town, or meet up on walks down the road with us. We could scarcely look through the trees out our window and see her walking Emily, her black lab, down the big hill. On one particular walk several of us took together, we ran into another neighbor further down the road. He was out on a four-wheeler looking for his lost dog, one of two or three dogs. He was clearly frustrated that his dog had run off into the thick nest of wood that sheltered the river, too hard to go through with a four-wheeler. Marilyn said,"Let's pray that God brings your dog out." to which he mumbled, "I'm not a christian, and I don't believe in that." But Marilyn chimed back in her uncensored way, "I am, and I'm proud of it!" So she prayed anyway and no joke, the dog ran out of the thick woods just like that. 

Other neighbors thought she was a strange one in many ways, but that didn't matter to me. We all have our ways of being strange and you should have heard the stories of some of the other neighbors! In some ways she was stand-offish and in other ways she had a wide open heart and made you feel well-loved. She typically dressed like a biker chic, with colorful bandanas, jeans and tees. I remember when she had her motorcycle accident from hitting a deer, and broke her collarbone. She didn't bike quite the same after that. Sometimes she put on a little weight which looked good on her tall height, but mostly I remember her being thin. She was either typically on a healthy eating diet or fasting with prayer, even to the point of frailty. This gave her strength later, I suppose. Gene said that as he'd take care of her during her illness, he'd ask if she wasn't tired of all the suffering yet. And since she couldn't speak, she'd shake her head, smile and point to a picture about Jesus the Healer on the wall. He said she never stopped believing that God could heal her, anytime.

 "You remember Marilyn's dad, hey?___ when he lived here with us?" Gene went on. I was now making the connection: Gene met Marilyn all because she was in foster care with his parents, and she was in foster care because her father beat her. And when her dad got older and frail, she took him in. I remember now, how she spoke of her dad with such love and care, and after making this connection, it pricked my heart. "You know, Marilyn forgave her dad...," Gene continued as he stroked Yogi Bear's fur and I tried to make friends with little Ranger. Wow, in my memory of her dad, he was kind and gentle to us as the neighbor kids. I wonder what changed in him and how. I wonder what the journey was like for Marilyn, and, for Gene her husband. That is love without walls. My heart beat, back in the place where it used to beat, but in new rhythm.

Gene started to tell me about the love of yet another neighbor, while Marilyn was sick. We all knew the trauma this man had faced some years before, with the loss of his daughter, and how he was now raising his grand-daughter. Well, if I go back, I remember Marilyn telling me she had a vision for cows on her land again. She kept saying the cows were coming, and she and Gene longed for grass-fed beef. Sure enough, one day there were Scottish highlanders up there on the hill, grazing away. Now, when she was sick, Gene went on to tell me how this other neighbor and his grand-daughter came over to care for the cows and mow his lawn, etc, every day. Whatever they could do to help, they just kept coming so he wouldn't have to do anything but stay by his wife's side. I could tell that it meant so much to him, and he was overwhelmed by their goodness. He said they looked forward to coming and caring for the cows everyday, and even when he could now do it himself, they still wanted to come over. I was overwhelmed by their care too...when have I done such a thing for a neighbor, for two full years?

Once Marilyn passed, Gene went to visit his grown son in another state, and then out to his sister's in New York City. He said it was hard to get back on his feet, literally, after only walking around the kitchen and to and from the bathroom for two years. His sister's life in New York city is very different from his own in the Upper Peninsula. A "house" can be just a large unit in a gigantic building, rent can be $15,000 a month, and an Amazon order of toothpaste and shaving cream can come up to a skyscraper unit within only 30 minutes of ordering. People do anything for work there, he said, such as the naked cowboy singer in the park...all sorts of people, all sorts of jobs, and a simple breakfast can easily cost $60. I'm sure this isn't everyone's life there but that's what he experienced. I'd say that New York City did the job of helping him 'get away' from everything he'd just went through though.

I knew he had many more days to get through, in his grief. The spring burial meant that he was still going to have to face everything again, so he was just taking it 'one day at a time'. I was glad that he had his Harley out in the kitchen...and he mentioned getting back into a biker group. "I still haven't been able to go through all her clothes," he said. I couldn't imagine. "Today I just loaded up more of her hospice care equipment for the hospital." I sat there thinking, "This is one of the strongest and most beautiful men I've ever known." I longed for him, as my old neighbor, to find a life again, to be happy again. Then he says the doctors found a little prostrate cancer in him, and he needed an MRI. He might be fine but he had no way of knowing yet, and he was peaceful. "You never know, it might not be long before I'm up There with her, so I live every day as if it were my last." Breathe in and breathe out...prayer for this man.

After hugging goodbye and wishing each other well, I drove off into the night and knew that this visit was nothing other than divine. It left my heart wide open to reflect, to learn, and to love selflessly. I will never forget Marilyn, her fearlessness, and the way that she impacted my faith as a neighbor.

 

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Chasing Dreams of the Night


 I'm not a big plan-maker...always been a dreamer. And quite literally I have some very vivid dreams at night, not all the time but enough to move me when I do. Lately at winter's end I may have been dealing with seasonal depression or at least anxiety, which was causing me to have very vivid dreams at night. It's was my childhood land...all 80 acres. I kept returning and I didn't know why.

 In the past I've had this too, however it was in Ireland and it was autumn not winter, so I really don't know. While studying abroad and living at Victoria Lodge, I had many dreams but I especially remember a series of three dreams. In the first, it was a peaceful day in the woods back home, my siblings, dog and I playing and having fun around our old porch. Without warning, wolves came charging down from the hill behind the rustic house, ready to attack us all. I, being in full protector-flight mode, grabbed all my siblings and my dog and bolted into the house as fast as possible and bolted the door with that one-of-kind floor slider we had to lock it. My heart beat loudly as I woke up. I'm not sure if it was days or weeks before the second dream came: My siblings and I were having a typical day inside the house, and it must have been a colder season. All of a sudden I realized that the house was filling with smoke and going into flames, quickly. Immediately I thought of all my siblings and dashed everywhere upstairs and downstairs to grab them and thrust them outside the burning building. Once again my heart was beating crazily and woke me up. It all felt so weird but I was beginning to realize that it must be symbolism, as I knew that my remaining family at home were going through, to say the least, some horrible situations. My parents had just divorced a few months earlier and though I didn't keep up with all the details at this time, the dreams told me. My siblings and I were losing our childhood home and disconnecting with the life we had always known, of having our own power to provide, water to keep running, and a fire to keep warm. Not to say this was all a bad thing, but it was traumatic to us. My third dream then, over in Ireland and far far away from this childhood place, was finally peaceful: There was our place, trees cleared out and garden fence posts we'd put up, weeds, sunshine, and the wild beauty of originality that was only our crazy place. And there were cows, cows grazing peacefully on the side of our huge garden. We'd never had cows so this was something amazing to me because no longer were there wolves coming down from the hill behind the house nor was the house on fire. All was well.

So here I am on the Wisconsin/Minnesota border, living a happy little life that's quite different from the one I grew up in, and dreams return to me. It doesn't matter where I lay my head to rest, they always find me to remind me of who I am. I'm a tough Yooper, born straight from the push of a uterus into one of the neighbor's living room (Yoopers can be open-hearted that way), and spent my infancy in a trailer with no running water, no fancy baby supplies, no plumbing yet, and only wood heat to survive the winter. Dad was building the rustic house at that time. I have no idea how I survived without getting illness and there were no doctor visits, only a midwife in the beginning, so I must have been a tough Yooper. But nothing about it was a sight for the eyes, that's for sure! And since I spent 20 years there, my night dreams have often reminded me of all the corners of the cabin-like house and all the deeps of the 80 acres. In one recent dream, silly as it was, my family and the current owners were all living there together, acting like nothing was weird and taking care of everything together. That was weird but hey, I can't judge my dreams! Then in another, it was a sunny kind of day where the balmy breeze brushed the poplars in that signature way, but it was our uphill next-door neighbor's trees, and I was coming into our old land from that direction. Before you'd reach our lot from that direction, there was the edge of their field, a wild apple orchard with drumming partridges hidden in the branches, the veins of taller hardwoods and then into the smaller poplars, maple, cedar, pine and birch. There was no path down, we just had our signature marks throughout, and whenever we'd walk through in that direction my dog Maxine  would always scout out a 360-degree range around us to smell all the smells and bark at squirrels and porcupines that she thought she was protecting us from. She LOVED running through there and always had the happiest eyes when when came back to me. "Good, good girl," I'd tell her.

So there I was heading back to the root land where dreams are born, and I really didn't have a plan. I really didn't know if I had the guts to stop by, to chase down my dreams that kept facing me down. As if they were saying,"Amelia, it's okay now...you can go and make peace. You can go and see." I've spent six years coming to terms with my new life in the modern world where we pay someone else to provide our running water, our heat, our electricity. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed in gratitude for all the wonder that is technology and power, and yet other times I'm depressed because I feel useless that everyday is not critical survival like it used to be, living off-grid. So I had no idea how I'd deal with my emotions if I just drove back and casually walked around the place like I knew it. Because I do know it. I didn't know if it would wreck me in a bad way. But I knew when I started this year that this would need to be my year of being bold, and for me this was bold.

I parked my car and it felt very weird and peaceful all at the same time. I looked around and breathed, and casually but not so casually walked in the drive, seeing the all-familiar snow and mud that thankfully wasn't too messy yet. The stream and frog pond, wow how tiny it all looked to me now, where we used to squish our feet in the mud, catch frogs, put fish and baby turtles into...you name it. And the driveway didn't seem so long as it used to, where we practiced our biking skills, dog-training, read the mail, etc. And there was the cabin-like house, not changed much from the way we made it, yet perhaps solar panels and an updated generator system. It was emotional, but I was okay. I knew I needed to go as close to Maxine's grave as I could. The evening sun was streaming across the ridge and through the woods just like I'd remembered so well. It's an intense wild beauty that I used to stand in and just soak up, and here I was as an adult and needing that again. So I stood, at the edge of the garden for awhile, just soaking in the peace of it all. I was so thankful and this filled me in a way I can't describe. And then I heard it: snorting. And I knew it but could hardly believe it: there were no cows but horses grazing on my old land! Horses, three big ones very majestic and strong, and then a wee miniature pony. Wow, wow! I dared myself to walk further near their fence and saw another thing: our old favorite maple tree was cut down, which is where my Maxine was buried at its base. I stared at the spot of the big maple's base where my brothers and Nana had put her in the ground for me after I'd put her to sleep with the Vet. I let myself tear-up as I remembered her, and all the memories we'd had. And I thanked God for the horses as I'd always dreamed of that while growing up. Here they were exactly where I thought horses should be! I asked God to bless the current owners there with the life they have, and then spoke briefly to a young girl who came out with her uncle. They were pleasant and I told them that I used to live there. I could have told them much more, but I was humble and moved and words escaped me. And just as I had walked in, I walked out and was just fine emotionally. I needed this, I knew. Sometimes we have to chase the dreams of the night, if they make any sense at all.