(Oct. 16th): Today is my 28th birthday, and this baby girl is the best gift from Above that I could have ever imagined. In fact, I couldn't have imagined it.
Her story begins back in billows of fluffy snow just after Christmas, soft winter skies, heavy laden branches in the woods, snowshoeing in white lattice tunnels, dinner in the Scenic Cafe, and the cold night winds off the lake. Sometime amongst these days is when she entered, but we didn't know it yet. She was like that surprise late Christmas gift that comes in the mail a couple weeks later from an old friend.
I was on the ski lift one day in early January when it hit me: an intense vision of pickles. Dill pickles, and I needed some SOON. Maybe it was partly because a day or two before, I'd eaten more than a fair share at my friend Amy's, and they seemed SOO yummy(I wasn't normally big dill pickle fan). I made a plan to grab some at the store on the way home from skiing. Although in the back of my head I knew that this wasn't a typical craving of mine, I didn't think into it too much, or thought it could just be PMS cravings. Curt came home to find me on the couch with my jar of pickles, as if they were ice cream. The next day, I texted him that I'd need MORE pickles, since the little jar I'd bought was gone. He was starting to laugh. Another day or two passed and since I kept craving pickles, we had a chat one night about the possibilities. He suspected the same thing that I did...and actually he'd already guessed it before this conversation. So the next morning, I woke up early and laid in our bed for awhile, unable to sleep. Finally I decided to jump out and take a pregnancy test. My emotions were a mixture of calm and excited while I awaited the results...then: TWO LINES.!!! I called Curt in and showed him, to which he excitedly asked, "You're pregnant?"...then kissed me, was too tired still, so he went back to bed. (Yeah). I sat for awhile to let it soak in. It's funny to me now how this part of the story starts in the bathroom, and how it circled back to the bathroom later on.That weekend we went cross-country skiing out of town, and while Curt wasn't ready to talk about it a whole lot just yet, the long car rides were just what I needed to process and dream about this weighty, wonderful news.
Some weeks later we had our first ultrasound appointment. This helped solidify the pregnancy, to see our baby's dear little 'bean form' and her tiny heart pumping away. It was amazing, and I was 7 or 8 weeks along at the time! We took home our precious ultrasound photos as if we were taking home a secret star from the sky. We still hadn't told our families. And with these photos in hand, off to Kauai, Hawaii we went. It was our belated honeymoon. Oh, I should also mention that we were planning to meet up with Curt's parents en route to HI and share the news in a fun way, but our flights/layovers got changed right before leaving, so that plan didn't happen.
Though I was two months along when in Kauai, to me these sweet memories are probably the most significant me to for the beginning of pregnancy. When the plane dipped down onto the volcanic island and we stepped off the plane, it felt as if we'd come through a curtain to a completely different world. Heaven on Earth. Obviously this had to do with leaving bitter cold and blizzard-prone Minnesota. Upon awing over the first jumbo leaves and flowers, we hopped into a rented Jeep Wrangler. Down a tree-canopy covered road we drove, feeling a little like Jurrasic Park, into a week full of the best adventures. There were wonderful Air BNBs we stayed in, waking up to sunshine and birds singing, our first walks to the oceanside, experiencing fresh açaí bowls at open cafès where chickens roam free(they roam free over the entire island), to stepping into the sunkissed water while waves rushed against my legs again and again. That week we drove the Jeep around the curvy roads as scenary changed from one end of the island to the other... lushious, wet tropics with cliffs and waterfalls to flatlands and arid rolling hills that looked more barren. We kayaked a river with a group and mud-hiked back into the tropical forest to a ginormously-tall waterfall. The mud was super slippery and sometimes as deep as the knees. We rode bikes down a mountain along a canyon another day, explored little limestone caves with crawling crabs one morning, ate at a top-notch bakery in the North island a few mornings, and took the most incredible hike of our lives with one of my oldest friends and her family. This hike we did mostly barefoot, high up in the Nepali coast, partially in fog until it would sporatically clear and we could see the huge Pacific Ocean beyond.
We had so much fun even just driving the jeep around with the top down, through cute towns, beaches, and a coffee plantation. Another highlight for sure was a boat excursion in hopes of seeing humpback whales since they were in season. It was difficult to book an excursion that would allow pregnant women, as most did not. But we did find one thankfully and the captain was a good sport for humor, especially about my pregnancy. Soon the waves got to me, induced an appetizer bite that had goat cheese in it. I ended up throwing up probably about 4ish times on that boat but I don’t regret it! After all the barf was out of me, I walked up to the front of the top deck in time to see a whale jump up and splash its huge body backwards into the ocean. This is one of the things that we came for! The ride back was a big sunset, and I continued to stand at the front of the boat as salty water spritzed my face. All these experiences and more, were shared with our tiny little girl way down in my womb.
Curt and I came home to reality, to blizzards, frigid temps, nights of soup, shows, and downhill skiing. I’d been doing ski patrol, and I was determined to still finish out the season and my toboggan training. While ski patrol volunteering was quite chill, I would describe the toboggan training nights as more intense. We were tested on skills and methods for correctly rescuing and transporting skiers on the hill, so it was quite physical in nature. Pregnancy makes ligaments and coordination quite loose, so it was especially a challenge to pass, but I did! Winter eventually drastically changed to summer like it always does up North, but the month of April(I think?) was the challenging in-between month.I thought that I was getting pregnancy depression, but I eventually realized that the way I was feeling, was because of not getting outside for exercise enough. So this soon improved, and I learned how essential it was for me to get out and walk or hike often.
Summer brought on a lot of humidity, and that was a challenge! I was quite swollen: my legs, feet, hands, basically all over. And the humidity made it worse, especially at night or in the car on long trips. During this humid period we did go out to Lake Tahoe where the air was SO much cooler and lighter, too. It was a wonderful trip taken with Curt's parents to celebrate their 40th anniversary. After this refreshing trip, I don't think the humidity back home was quite as challenging. BUT, my foot pain and sciatica (but mostly foot pain), was the worst!! I was on my feet all day for my job, and with everything softened up and swollen, I sometimes felt that I could barely walk again after finally sitting down. Some days I would come home in tears and just sit. Towards the end of pregnancy I sat down more and more at work because I literally couldn't take it anymore. Finding a little better footwear did help, and when the humidity lessoned, that helped too. In addition to walking, hiking, and swimming a few times, I also went to a prenatal yoga/support group. It was wonderful!! I made friendships, learned a lot, practiced movements and techniques that I truly believe helped baby and me to birth so wonderfully later.
Transitioning from summer to Fall, before her birth, was both a hard, weighty time, and kinda flew by too. I kinda wonder if I had a Mono flair up somewhere in there because I felt quite sickly some days. I thought I should be admitted into the hospital some times because I really felt so miserable. And then Curt came down with Mono himself, though thankfully his bad symptoms didn't last long! I stayed busy with work, which at the end really helped me, so that I didn't just pace myself back and forth. I struggled back and forth with being unsure that my medical caregivers understood me enough, or that I was birthing at the right place, etc. But I listened to informed podcasts, I read stuff here and there, and I asked our doula informative questions. At 35 weeks I remember having a day of just breaking down about everything, and had to pick myself up for the long weeks ahead. I do believe, that those weeks were the longest of my life! Especially once I was passed my 'due date'. Though I knew ahead of time that due dates should be held with a window of a couple weeks on either side, I had never figured out how to truly mentally prepare myself for the reality of this.
I woke up on my due date, quite early, with cramping that came every few minutes. Little did I know that this was the start of prodromal labor. Little did I know that it would last for almost 2 more weeks.
